The Untold Truth
by agendersubaru
Summary: Shu finally gets a chance to meet his childhood friend again, after years of thinking that he had died when his village burnt down. However, he is unable to work up the courage to meet him in person, because he's afraid of disappointing him. [Contains romantic Shu/Yuma and Ayato/Yuma]
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N: So! Haha! I got all inspired while watching some dramas, and I wanted to write a fic like this. This fic contains romantic Shu/Yuma and a bit of Ayato/Yuma, so please don't read if these ships make you uncomfortable.**

 **In this fic, Yuma suffered from some memory loss after his village was burnt down, but he remembers the fact that his village was burnt down, and he remembers his childhood friend Shu. Not really a whole lot of vampire stuff in this fic; it's mostly about their childhood and how they meet in the present. Starts off on a flashback. Thanks for checkin' it out!)**

* * *

A little boy was in the woods, hiding behind a tree with a wide trunk. He kept peering out from behind the tree, blinking his blue eyes, and ducking back behind the trunk whenever he thought he might be spotted. He was watching another young boy about his age, who was roaming around the woods like he owned the place, kicking over rocks and picking up sticks and shouting out commands to his dogs.

Just by looking at them, one could tell they were from different backgrounds. The hiding boy was dressed nicely, in well-fit clothing that suggested a good social standing. The one collecting sticks, on the other hand, had unkempt hair and shabby, dirty clothing. He had rolled up his sleeves and there were scabs on both his elbows.

The well-off boy watched the other work, with an almost envious expression on his face. He had been there multiple times that week, behind that tree. _Today should be the day_ , he told himself every time. _Today I should go and talk to him_. But every time he would hesitate. He didn't know why. As he watched the peasant boy work, he thought he seemed so much stronger, so much more masculine, so much more independent than the rich boy was. It made him anxious, no matter how badly he wanted to talk to him.

The two felt like they came from two different worlds. The aristocrat turned his back to the tree and slumped against it, hugging his knees. _Maybe_ , he thought to himself, _I should just be content to watch him from afar_.

"Shu?" came a voice from behind him.

Shu squeaked at an embarrassingly high pitch. When he looked towards the source of the voice, the peasant boy's rough face was looking curiously down at him. "E-Edgar. You scared me."

"You don't have to hide so much." Edgar smiled at him, and extended a hand to Shu. "Do you want to come help me collect firewood?"

With the sun behind Edgar's head, Shu thought for a moment that he looked like he had a halo. Cautiously, Shu took his hand. "...Yeah."

Edgar pulled him to his feet, and immediately his dogs ran over to sniff Shu's legs. Shu couldn't focus on them—only on how strong Edgar's grip was. But one of the dogs kept whimpering until Shu finally paid attention and stroked its head.

Edgar let go of Shu's hand and picked up a big bundle of sticks. "Take these!" he said, dropping them into Shu's arms. Shu struggled for a moment but eventually got a good grip on them, and held them up properly. Even if holding a bundle of sticks was very simple and easy work, Shu still felt proud of himself just for helping Edgar with this much. When they did things like this, it made Shu feel like he could exist in Edgar's world. Like they weren't so different at all.

"You're a nervous kid, aren't you, Shu?" Edgar observed as he kept collecting sticks. He still had a smile on his face, which led Shu to believe that he didn't mean it in a mean way. "You're the type who needs to be invited over."

"I'm not that nervous," Shu insisted.

"I guess." Edgar put a new handful of sticks into Shu's arms, and grinned at him. "You just need someone to help you out of your shell at first."

He dropped some. "...Is it annoying?"

Edgar shook his head, making his hair go everywhere. "Nope." Then he picked up one of the sticks Shu dropped, and pointed it at him. "I'll help you as many times as you need it."

Then Edgar marched away to look for more firewood, his dogs following him. Shu remained fixed in that spot, hugging the bundle of sticks. He felt weird, but a good weird. He had never had a friend before, really, and it occurred to him that Edgar was a friend that he loved a lot. He couldn't stop his lips from breaking into a smile, and then he hurried to catch up with his friend.

* * *

"...and I haven't even scratched the surface of all the trouble you've caused me at school. With all the calls from the principal I have to deal with, you'd think you could at least help around the house if you're not going to take responsibility all of those absences. But no, whenever we come home, you're right where we left you. Every time I expect even the bare minimum, it turns out I overestimated you."

Shu had just woken up, and he was gradually understanding what was going on. Reiji was lecturing Shu about something, but he had slept through most of it. Shu shifted a bit, stretching his limbs. They felt sore, since they don't move much anymore.

"Are you listening to me, Shu? You know that I hate repeating myself."

"If you hate it so much," Ayato muttered from the couch, not looking up from his phone. "Then why do you do it so often?"

Shu cough-laughed.

"That attitude doesn't suit you," Reiji replied, glaring daggers in Ayato's direction. "And if you have nothing else but sass to contribute then I suggest you go upstairs and get some studying done."

"Shu!" Ayato snapped suddenly. He must've been irritated about the studying comment. "He bothers the rest of us when you're like this, so go do some chores or something!"

Shu yawned and sat up, scratching the back of his head lazily. "If you want to shut Reiji up, go do the chores yourself."

"Like hell I will! And you know Reiji won't shut up if _you're_ not the one doing them anyway."

"I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about me while I'm in the room," Reiji said while lifting his nose a bit higher. "With all those tutors you went through when you were young, didn't you learn manners?"

"I _will_ go upstairs!" Ayato announced, getting up. "Only because you two are so annoying. Nothing's ever gonna be good enough for either of you!" And he stormed away, pulling out his phone and texting with impressing speed as he ascended the stairs.

Reiji sighed, and redirected his glare to Shu again. Shu slowly managed to get his aching body off the couch, and dragged his feet towards the stairs too.

"You're running away too?" Reiji huffed. Shu didn't answer out loud but responded mentally: _Yeah, yeah, I'm running away_. Reiji continued grumbling about good-for-nothings, but Shu tuned him out and went upstairs to his room.

He flopped down on his bed, which was made neatly, but only because getting under the covers to sleep was too much work. He was perfectly content just sleeping on top. Now that he was finally in his own room, he didn't have to put up with his brothers yapping. The classical music playing in his headphones sounded much clearer now. The peace and quiet caused Shu to nearly drift back off to sleep, but he was jarred awake by the sound of a knocking on his bedroom door. When he didn't answer, one of their butlers quietly opened his door, set a tray with a letter on top of it on Shu's desk, and left, shutting the door behind him.

Shu remained on the bed for a moment, with his eyes shut, but eventually curiosity got the better of him and he got up to read the letter. His name was written on the envelope in handwriting that was, admittedly, not the best. Just the fact that he received a handwritten letter was surprising to him. Karl Heinz's sons were well-known and hated by some, so Shu assumed that it was a death threat of some sort. Still, that didn't stop him from opening it. In fact, he might have enjoyed reading a death threat.

Of course, he didn't really plan on reading the entire letter; he just wanted to know who it was from. So upon unfolding the letter, his eyes went to the signature at the bottom first. When he read it, he found himself completely shaken. He forgot to breathe at first, and then started breathing quickly to make up for it. His hands gripped the letter tightly, probably crumpling the edges, as he hurriedly started to read it from the top.

 _Shu—_

 _How are you? We haven't talked in a long time._ (There was a sentence or two that was crossed out here.) _It's because I didn't know your address or anything. I didn't know how to contact you. Plus my head was kind of messed up after the fire, and there were some things I couldn't remember. Don't worry about me, though. I'm healthy._

 _I guess I should say who I am, or else you won't know. I'm Edgar—We used to play together in the woods. You're probably shocked getting this letter, because we haven't been in contact in so long, and there was that fire and everything. Like I said, my memory got messed up. This whole time I remembered you but not your name. I transferred into Ryoutei recently and heard a counselor saying your name, and I suddenly remembered. I practically begged her to give me your address so I could write you a letter. It seemed like you were in trouble with the counselors, though. Are you okay?_

 _I hope you weren't worried about me because I'm doing fine. I hope you're healthy too. I'm sure you are. I bet it's embarrassing to hear, but you were such a bright and innocent kid. You made me smile all the time._ (Some more crossed-out sentences here.) _So I'm sure that you grew up well. It's weird trying to picture you as all grown up, though. I keep picturing that pure little kid I played with back home._

 _I know this isn't the best letter. I'm not great with words to begin with. And I wrote it so fast because I wanted to hurry up and talk to you. I won't be able to relax till I get a reply, so don't wait around._

 _Your friend,_

 _Edgar_

Shu realized he was holding his breath, and exhaled again.

He was feeling a whirlpool of emotions all at once. He was relieved to the point of having the wind knocked out of him; his friend, his only friend, his best friend was alive. It was enough to make him want to cry. He felt overpowering nostalgia, seeing as he had only recalled his childhood in these past few years through nightmares and panic attacks. For the first time in a long time, Shu could remember the good parts. He felt guilt, but it was overpowered by a reemergence of the overpowering love he felt for him, swelling up in his chest and filling up each of his limbs till they were twitching with nervous energy. And worst of all he felt a pressing need to write Edgar back _immediately_.

His hands dove into the drawers on his desk, rummaging for a pen and paper. While pulling them out, he knocked several other papers and folders onto the floor. He sat down and started frantically writing. He was thinking that he might have to think carefully about what to say, but that ended up not being the case at all: once he started writing, he couldn't stop himself till he was finished.

 _Edgar—_

 _There's so much I want to say. I can't believe the letter you wrote me. I honestly never thought that I would hear from you again. I'm so, so happy to hear that you're safe and healthy. It's a dream come true. A part of me is thinking, "Is it really you?"_

 _You wrote that you hoped that I didn't worry about you, but the truth is that I really thought you were gone forever. But don't worry about me. I'm fine now just knowing that you're alive and well. So really, thank you for writing me._

 _Are you truly attending Ryoutei Academy? That's really good news. It's a night school, so I wonder if you'll adjust to it well. When you were little, you'd be out all day. You liked being in the sunlight. You're really smart and you have a lot of willpower, though, so I'm sure you'll do fine. I don't think there's any challenge you won't be able to handle, so night school should be no problem. I know that the teachers there love hardworking people like you._

 _I nearly forgot to say, but I'm healthy. Sorry this letter is so short. I just want to hear back from you as soon as possible. I just can't believe it's really Edgar. I really miss you._

 _Your friend,_

 _Shu_

Now he understood why Edgar's letter had been somewhat sloppy. Like Shu, he had probably rushed to get the words out. Shu still had better handwriting, but his letter was probably less eloquent...not that it would matter to Edgar. Shu was already itching to read another letter from his old friend. He summoned the butler back to his room, and gave him the letter to deliver to Edgar.

The change he felt in himself was incredible. Just minutes earlier he had been half-asleep, ignoring his way through life, and now he felt like he could go run a mile if he wanted to. His heart felt full. Edgar was all he could think about. He just wanted to hear from Edgar. He wanted to hear about everything that happened to him.

He caught himself smiling. Even though he was alone in his room, he felt embarrassed. He got back onto his bed and planted his face right into his pillow. He tried to breathe evenly to calm his heart down, but it just kept jumping. For maybe the first time in years, Shu felt happy.


	2. Chapter 2

_Shu—_

 _I was worried that my letter wouldn't reach the right person, like maybe you were just someone with the same name or something. But after reading your response, I'm sure it's you. Your letter was really Shu-like. You talked a lot about me, and almost never talked about yourself. I kept smiling while I read it. But I still want to hear more about you and how you're doing._

 _I'm sorry to hear that you thought I was gone. You were sensitive back then, so it must've been really hard for you. I know that getting support from your family was tough, too. I promised I would be there when you needed me, so it's frustrating to know that you were hurting and I couldn't help you get through it. You know that if I had known how to get to you, I would have. I almost don't wanna say this because you kinda looked up to me and it makes me look uncool, but I was having a really hard time too. It hurt a lot remembering your face but not your name, and not knowing how to find you. It was like you were right out of my reach. But I'd keep remembering your smiling face, and how you'd always come around my village to visit me. Even when I couldn't get to you, you were helping me like this. I want to thank you, Shu._

 _I didn't mention it in my first letter because I wanted you to recognize me, but I actually took on a different name after losing my memory. It's a long story, and probably one that I'll get into more detail later, but I go by Yuma now. I hope it doesn't disappoint you that your childhood friend changed his name. I'm still me. Anyway, I'll sign my letters with "Yuma" from now on._

 _Even though I told you I would be attending Ryoutei Academy too, you didn't say anything about how we'll be at the same school! Just like when you were a kid, you have to be invited into these things. That's okay, I'm fine with making the first move._

 _What I'm saying is I want to meet up in person. I want to see the face that I've been thinking about all this time. If you're okay with it, let's negotiate a time and meet at Ryoutei._

 _Your friend,_

 _Yuma_

 _P.S. How much taller did you get? I was taller than you as a kid, so I hope you didn't grow taller than me._

Shu read the letters he got from Yuma over, and over, and over, and over again. If he were tested on these letters at school, he definitely would've aced those tests. There were still emotions like fear and guilt in the back of his mind, but he was too over the moon about Yuma being alive to even consider them. Just about nothing could ruin his mood. Reiji lectured him again on never doing his share of chores, but Shu just nodded his way through it till Reiji was done. His brothers were starting to get suspicious of him, but no one could guess why he was in such a good mood. Shu kept the letters safely hidden in his room, after all.

 _Yuma—_

 _I do want to meet you. I want to meet you badly._

 _I don't even know what else to say in this letter. Your new name suits you. I'm curious about how you got it, so tell me the story when we meet in person. Let's pick a time that's not too far away._

 _Your last letter made me really happy. Your first letter made me really happy too, but I'm talking about the part where you said you were thinking of me for encouragement. I didn't think I was any help to you at all._ (While writing this part, Shu found himself unable to write quickly. His hand wouldn't move how he wanted it to. He dwelled on each letter, even though he didn't have many thoughts in his head.) _In fact, I thought I always hurt you more than I helped you. I think I was kind of a burden, and on top of that I caused you a lot of problems. There's more that I want to say, but I don't think I can say it right now. I don't even know if I'll be able to say it in person...Just be patient with me._

 _I thought about you too, a lot. And you're right; a lot of times it did hurt, and I wished you were here. But it's not your fault that you couldn't be here, so don't feel bad about it. If it's anyone's fault, it's my fault. And besides, I feel okay knowing I can meet you again now._

 _It's weird to see you thanking me because I don't think I did anything to deserve it. You, on the other hand, helped me every day of my life when I was little. You were an outgoing guy so I bet you had other friends, but you were the only person I had. I could be happy thanks to you._

 _I'm fine meeting as soon as tomorrow if it means I'll get to see your face. I think once I see you, I won't be able to remember all the times when I was hurting._

 _Your friend,_

 _Shu_

 _P.S. I hadn't measured my height in a long time, but I went and measured myself just so I could answer you. I'm 181cm. Did I beat you?_

All this time he had been so tortured by his friend's absence. Everything had reminded him of Edgar. He couldn't even walk into the kitchen while the oven was on, all because of his deathly fear of fire. If there were a fire alarm at school, he would hide in a corner and tremble like a leaf while hugging his knees. And he would have these nightmares, horrible nightmares, almost every night. He would see terrible things happening to Edgar in his dreams. He'd replay his memory of Edgar running into the burning village over and over again, till he woke up in a cold sweat, choked up and desperately missing the warmth of his friend beside him.

Shu had a feeling he would have much better dreams from now on.

 _Shu—_

 _Then let's quit bothering the delivery guy and decide on tomorrow. We'll meet by the front gate._

 _Get a good night's sleep, Shu. I'll see you soon. I'll get to sleep quickly, so I can hurry up and see your smiling face tomorrow._

 _Your friend,_

 _Yuma_

 _P.S. Nope, you didn't beat me._

Shu read the letter, and reread the letter, and reread the letter again. He was in love with every word he wrote. He could hear everything so clearly in Yuma's voice...The tenderness when he told him to get a good night's sleep, and the teasing edge to his voice in the last sentence...That is, he could hear it clearly in Yuma's voice from back when he was a kid. He was so curious what his voice would sound like now that he was an adult. Shu thought with a smile that it was probably much deeper, and that he was probably a lot taller. As he put the image together in his imagination, Shu still pictured Yuma with that angelic, childlike glow about him. The goofy smile on his face, the way he scrunched up his nose when he was thinking...Such a good kid. So hardworking, so responsible.

He must've grown up so much better than Shu did.

...

Shu's eyes drifted over the words "smiling face" in the letter.

…

Shu set the letter down, and got up out of his chair, and stood in front of the mirror. He took a good, hard look at himself. Hesitantly, he tried to smile at his reflection, to see how it looked. His fake smile disappeared within seconds, though.

 _I really didn't grow up that great, did I?_

…

Shu's heart dropped.

He went back to his desk, and shuffled through the letters he had received from Yuma. In particular, he looked at the words that Yuma had chosen to describe him.

A bright kid. Innocent. Pure. Sensitive. Just like when you were a kid. I'd keep remembering your smiling face.

Shu wasn't like that anymore, not at all.

Shu's mood hit a grand low, low enough to rival the high he had been riding just a few moments ago. It was like his grip was too loose and he dropped all his happiness, and it hit the floor and shattered into a million pieces. He had built all his hopes for meeting Yuma into a massive mountain, but a sinkhole had just come and swallowed it all. It felt horrible. Really horrible. Even though the letters were made of paper, Shu suddenly felt like he didn't have the strength to hold them anymore.

Yuma was a nice person. He was kind and considerate. He probably wouldn't feel _angry_ or _betrayed_ when he met Shu and realized how disappointing he had become. But Shu kept imagining his friend's face, smiling, but with a hint of sadness and confusion in his expression. Searching for the kid he used to know; struggling to find him. He imagined Yuma's smile slowly fading as he realized that his childhood friend was now...like this. No longer bright, no longer pure. No longer somebody that Yuma would like.

Shu felt like he needed a drink.


	3. Chapter 3

Ayato was heading downstairs towards the kitchen to get himself a snack when he passed by the dining room and noticed a weird smell. He poked his head through the doorway, curious. Then he was able to identify the smell as alcohol. And it was really strong.

Shu was sitting at the dining table alone, in the low light, with his head down on the table. Ayato thought joyfully that his older brother must have passed out, and he recognized this as his chance to pull a prank on him. He approached the table, and noticed the numerous empty beer cans around him, plus one half-empty bottle of wine. There was no glass, so Shu had probably just drank it straight from the bottle. Reiji must've been saving that for a special occasion, which made Ayato want to laugh.

Also surrounding Shu was a scattered array of letters and envelopes. They were all handwritten, and had crinkles near the edges that suggested that they had been held in Shu's hands quite a bit. Ayato had no clue what the context was for all these letters, but he thought that Shu (with his head down in defeat and all the papers surrounding him) looked like Subaru when he was trying to study. Well, this scene seemed a lot less funny, though. Actually, it was much too serious.

"Shu?" Ayato called out. It felt like something was wrong, so he ditched the prank idea. "Are you alive?"

Shu nodded weakly into his arms. "Mm."

He sat down at the table, across from Shu. "Shit, dude, what's all this? You look like a girl after a bad breakup."

Shu raised his head a bit and looked at Ayato. His eyes looked dead. They had bags under them, and were glazed over, unfocused. "Nothing happened."

Carefully, Ayato picked up one of the letters. He was cautious about it because he half expected Shu to slap it right out of his hands and yell at him for touching his things. Shu didn't do that, though. Well, even if he wanted to, he probably didn't have the energy to do it. So, Ayato started reading.

Shu groaned out in pain, and pushed his fingers through his hair. He not only looked like a corpse, but a corpse that was agonizing over something. A corpse that had a lot of regrets in life. It made Ayato a bit sad just looking at him.

When he finished reading the letter, he set it down exactly where he had picked it up from. "...What's this about?"

"It's adult stuff. You wouldn't understand it."

"Shu," he asked seriously. "You had this kind of friend in the past?"

Shu lifted his head, grabbed the bottle, and took a swig from it. "'This kind of friend,' he says. Don't speak about him so easily. If you had known him…" His voice trailed off. He was so, so drunk. "If you had known him..."

Ayato glanced over a few more of the letters, and then asked, "You had a childhood friend, and you lost contact with him because of a fire?"

"Shut up." He meant it.

"But he contacted you again?"

Shu started drinking again, looking like he was going to cry.

Annoyed, Ayato snatched the bottle away from him and set it back down on the table. "Then what are you so upset about?"

Shu groaned again out of frustration, and hung his head, irritably rubbing the back of his neck. "You didn't know him. He was such a good kid. Always working hard, always doing the right thing." He looked up at Ayato, eyes shining. "And I was just this awkward rich kid who followed him around but he always tried to include me. He would talk to me so naturally. Even if I didn't fit in with him at all."

Ayato had never heard Shu talk so much about something. Much less some _one_. He nodded, remaining quiet.

Shu laughed bitterly. "When he disappeared, it broke me. It really broke me. I was not, and I have never been the same since then. Look at me, Ayato." He pointed a finger at him. "How would you describe your older brother right now?"

Ayato's eyes darted nervously away, before he looked back and said, "...Sad."

"You're absolutely right. God, I couldn't have said it better myself." Shu started to fiddle with the tab on one of the beer cans. "Just sad. There's not a single person who can stand me anymore. I'm too boring, too depressing. People like Reiji get mad at me just by looking at me. Reiji's so diligent and hardworking. But I've never done a thing for anyone. Hell, I'm shocked that you're still here, listening to me rant. You must just think I'm pathetic, and you feel sorry for me." He tipped the can over and watched it clatter onto its side. "There's no way Yuma would like me how I am now."

Ayato fell silent. There was no way he could try to give advice or anything. After all, he had never really had anyone he considered a friend, especially not on the level that Yuma must have meant to Shu. He had Kanato and Laito, but he had grown up with them his whole life, so he couldn't apply that experience to Shu's situation at all. "...So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Shu put his head back down. "I just won't go, I guess."

"You're just gonna stand him up?"

Shu laughed again. "I'm such a bad person."

"What- No! Don't be stupid!" Ayato stood up. "You're so damn pessimistic all the time! Look, this guy was really looking forward to seeing you, yeah? Probably just as bad as you wanted to see him. If you were looking forward to seeing his face for the first time in years and he just didn't show up without saying anything, how would you feel?"

Shu looked up at Ayato. He looked like he was going to cry again.

"I bet you'd be heartbroken! He would be too. If you know that it's going to hurt him, don't do it! Stupid."

"I can't go meet him," Shu sighed. "He's got this idea in his head of this bright little kid. He's been holding onto that memory this whole time. He said it was the only thing keeping him going." He sniffed. "I don't...want to kill the memory of his childhood friend. I'd ruin it all, and he'd have nothing anymore. It would be less of a heartbreak if I just didn't show up."

Ayato slowly sat back down, and stared at his hands. "Then...what do we do?"

"What's this 'we?'" Shu muttered, grabbing the bottle of wine again. Mid-drink, he froze, and then slammed the bottle down on the table, making Ayato jump. "Ayato."

"Jesus, you scared me."

"Ayato, you do it."

"Do what?"

Shu looked dead serious. "Go meet him in my place."

"...What?"

The drunken slur started to make its appearance now that Shu was all excited. "You're all childish and innocent 'n stuff. He wouldn't be disappointed by you."

Ayato's mouth hung open. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

" _Pretend to be me_." Shu's eyes were the widest they had been in the whole conversation. "There's gotta be some family resemblance between us. You can get some contacts, and you can just say you dyed your hair red, that's fine. He won't be that suspicious of it. Just go and talk to him-"

"Absolutely not!" Ayato jumped out of his chair again. "No, no, no, no! Shu, I look _nothing_ like you."

"It's been _years_ , Ayato, and he had amnesia anyway. He'll just assume I look different because I grew up."

"It'll never work! It seems like you guys were really close! Like, embarrassingly close! He'll find out that I'm not you right away-"

"—Ten minutes," Shu said desperately. "Talk to him for ten minutes. I'll get you caught up on everything you need to know. You just need to act happy to see him for ten minutes, then you can give some excuse and leave."

"Shu," Ayato whined.

" _I know that you can do it._ " He stressed every syllable. "There's no one else I can ask, Ayato. You're the only one I know who smiles and cracks jokes every day. You're, you're...the last person in this family with a glimmer of hope in them. I bet you'll get along with him right away. He'll love you. Just ten minutes, and I'll figure out the rest."

He squirmed. "I really can't."

"I'll buy you whatever you want as a reward. As much takoyaki as you can eat."

Ayato crossed his arms. "...Ten minutes?"

"Just ten minutes."

Ayato glanced off in another direction, squinting like he was thinking hard. "...I guess I can pretend to be you for just ten minutes."

"Thank you," Shu exhaled in relief, putting his head down on the table again. "Thank you. Oh God, I'm gonna be sick."

"You drank too much," Ayato huffed. "I'm not gonna help you clean this up. Just ten minutes, okay? You owe me one."


	4. Chapter 4

Shu bought Ayato blue contacts, which he had trouble sticking into his eyes at first. He nearly gave up the whole operation out of frustration, but Shu further bribed him by bringing home takoyaki for dinner. So Ayato kept trying, and eventually got the hang of it.

And Shu coached Ayato on how to act around Yuma. He taught him more of their history together, which was difficult for both Shu and Ayato, but it was context that Ayato would need if he was going to pull this off. The two worked like this mostly in secret, because for some reason, Shu was making _absolute sure_ that Reiji didn't find out about this.

Subaru caught wind of it, though. He drifted over out of curiosity and asked what they were talking about so seriously, and Shu gave him a short answer.

"Well, that's not going to work," Subaru said simply.

"'Course it's gonna work," Ayato responded, just as simply. He had gotten much more confident in his own acting abilities by now.

Subaru pointed at him. "You look just like Aunt Cordelia." Then he pointed to Shu. "And you're the spitting image of Aunt Beatrix."

"I do _not_ look like that old hag! And don't call her Aunt, it's creepy."

"Yes you do! All three of you triplets. You have her exact face. And Shu-"

"I do not." Ayato crossed his arms and leaned forward, his posture aggressive. "My face is my own! There's nothing me and that bitch have in common. Say it again and I'll knock you out."

"Aah?! Look here-"

"We got him blue contacts," Shu explained, interrupting their fight. "And my friend had amnesia in the past, so he probably won't think much of it if his face is different. He'll just chalk it up to his bad memory."

"Why don't you just…" Subaru made a vague hand gesture. "...talk to him yourself?"

"It's a long story," Shu sighed.

"Shu's not like he was when he was younger!" Ayato chimed in. "And he thinks it'll hurt his friend if he finds out."

Subaru slowly sat down at the table. "...You were a lot happier when you were little."

"You remember what Shu was like as a kid?"

"Of course I do." Subaru seemed nervous all of a sudden, and he averted his gaze. "He was around when I needed him."

"Huh." Ayato scratched the back of his head. "That was so long ago. I think I blocked most of that time out."

"He was…" He raised his voice. "I can't say this while he's sitting right here!"

"No, tell me!" Ayato grinned. "It's research, research. Since I have to act like him."

"I'm listening to music," Shu said, facing away. "Pretend I'm not here."

Subaru fidgeted anxiously in his seat, but then started talking. "...He was, y'know...Like a big brother. He would smile a lot and tell jokes if I looked like I was feeling down. I didn't want to talk a whole lot, but he would always say that he would listen if I did wanna talk. Compared with Shu now, he was...I dunno...more positive. Like, everything'll turn out okay."

Ayato mulled that over a bit, and then poked Shu's arm a few times to get his attention. "You think I can be like that?"

Shu just shrugged. That probably meant "yes" in Shu's own language.

"Well…" Ayato rested his chin on the table. "...I'll try."

* * *

When tomorrow came, though, Ayato was in a total panic.

"No no no no I can't I can't I really really really can't," Ayato stammered on as they approached the school gate. He was hitting Shu in the arm continuously to get his nervous energy out. Shu didn't even mind, since he was just as anxious as Ayato, and he was distracted thinking about all the ways that this could go wrong.

"Shu _please_ don't make me, it's not my fault you're so screwed up as an adult now; you should have to deal with this yourself! It'll be so awkward, I can't! I'm just gonna make it worse, Shu, and you're gonna yell at me!" He was whining like a little kid. "Shu, _pleeeaaase_ don't make me…! It'll work out if you just-"

"Shut up," Shu said suddenly, grabbing onto Ayato's arms to make him stop hitting him. "Shut up. That's him."

"Him?" Ayato squeaked, horrified.

"That guy. That guy there. I'd know his face a mile away."

There was no way Shu was mistaken. Besides the fact that he had grown, Yuma looked just like he did when he was younger. He had the same dark brown hair that had been partially sunbleached from spending so much time outside. The same broadness in his shoulders and face, and the same long eyelashes. Right then he was fiddling with his bangs while sitting on a bench near the gate, tapping his feet rhythmically on the ground and occasionally looking around for Shu. Shu could easily see the younger Edgar in his face. He really didn't change a bit.

He had been a nervous wreck just a moment ago, but just seeing Yuma was enough to calm Shu. _So he really is alive_. Shu breathed a sigh of relief, and gazed in Yuma's direction, blinking slowly. For a second, it seemed like everything was okay. All the weight Shu had been bearing since Edgar's disappearance seemed to lift from his shoulders. He was alive.

"Shu!" Ayato shook him out of his trance-like state. "Shu, I'm freaking out! I really don't think I can-!"

Shu grasped his arms again. "Ayato, you have to. You've practiced. He's not suspicious of you. You can do this."

"Shu, I'm not you! He'll definitely know something's up!"

"I will give you _whatever_ you want when it's over. Ten minutes, Ayato."

"God, Shu…!"

"Do it for me," Shu said suddenly, deathly serious. "Yuma is all I have, Ayato. Please don't make me hurt him."

Ayato stared at him wide-eyed, gave it some thought, and then whimpered. "...Okay."

He took a minute (more like a few minutes) to gather his courage, and then approached the bench Yuma was sitting on. He walked like he was heading towards his own grave. Shu took a seat nearby on a different bench, where Yuma wouldn't notice him, and he opened up a book and hid his face behind it.

When Ayato got near Yuma, Yuma lifted his hazel eyes to him. He pointed at him, mouth agape. "...Sh…?"

Awkwardly, Ayato put his arms out, like "here I am." "Yeah, it's me."

Yuma stood up from the bench, his eyes alight with excitement and the biggest smile on his face. Ayato stepped back on reflex when he realized how much taller he was than him. "No way! You're- You look- You've got-"

"My hair changed," Ayato laughed, feeling his soul leave his body a little.

"Yeah, it's red!" Yuma got closer, observing more closely. "Dang, that's a bold color for you. Ah, but don't get me wrong. It looks awesome."

"Yeah?" Ayato found himself smiling for real, and his hand instinctively ran through his hair. "It's my favorite color."

Yuma paused while observing the details of Ayato, and his smile suddenly disappeared. Ayato noticed, and his panic returned right away. He watched in horror as Yuma looked at him even more closely, with a confused expression. Shu, too, peeked over the book he was pretending to read, all the muscles in his body tense.

He thought he felt himself starting to sweat. "...I-Is something wrong…?"

"Shu," he said in a lower voice. Ayato thought he might die right then and there. Then, Yuma broke the tense mood by breaking into laughter. "You were exaggerating your height in your letters, weren't you?"

"I...Huh…?"

"You wrote to me saying you were 180cm tall." Yuma put his large hand on Ayato's head, grinning. "No way. You're shorter than that. Did you want to beat me that badly?"

Ayato laughed sheepishly. "I, y'know...rounded up."

Crisis averted.

Yuma realized he was touching him rather familiarly, and that Ayato seemed a little uncomfortable, so he hastily planted both his hands in his pockets. "How have you been?" he asked. "How's everything?"

"I'm the same as ever," Ayato responded, with a nervous laugh. "Still Shu."

"That's good to hear," Yuma said with a warm smile. "I'm sorry...for making you wait so long. You said it was hard."

"I'm okay," Ayato said quickly. "I got to see you again, so I'm fine."

"Good. If seeing me makes you feel better, then I want to see you all the time."

Shu stared blankly at the words in the book he was holding. His eyes remained fixed on the page, but his head was elsewhere. His heart was being torn apart by how much he missed Yuma. He was right over there, but Shu still missed him so terribly. He wanted to pretend that Yuma was looking at him, and speaking those words at him.

"How have you been?" Ayato asked. He was speaking slower than normal, since he was trying to think about every word. "How's your family?"

Yuma's smile left him again. Shu, from over on the bench, froze up too. He internally screamed at Ayato, and he felt his throat seize up as if he were actually screaming out loud. Then he stood up, practically throwing the book aside, and waved his arms at Ayato to get his attention. With teeth gritted tight enough to break bone, he made a large X with his arms, and mouthed "They died!"

"Oh no! No, no, no, I said the wrong word," Ayato said quickly. "That's not what I meant to say."

"Ahaha…"

"I meant, y'know!" Ayato's eyes darted around, desperate to find some kind of excuse. He was not the quickest thinker in the world. "I meant...I meant your, your…"

"Ah." Yuma looked like he got an idea. "The group of guys I'm living with now. You're right, I guess you could say they're my new family. They're essentially brothers to me."

"Yeah! Yeah, that's what I meant!" Ayato exhaled noticeably. "I'm not so good with words, so…"

Yuma rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Did I talk about them in my letters...?"

"Yeah. I'm certain you did."

Shu stopped holding his breath and collapsed back down on the bench, struggling to breathe regularly again. He felt like he had almost died.

"Huh…" Yuma looked up, trying to remember. But he couldn't, so he decided to just forget about it. He went back to smiling at Ayato. "There's so much I want to talk to you about. Do you want to go get something to eat? I'll treat you."

Sure, Ayato had promised to himself that he would only talk to Yuma for ten minutes before breaking things off, but the promise of food made him perk right up. "Okay."

"Do you know a good place?"

Ayato pointed excitedly. "There's a takoyaki stall down this road, by the park."

"Wow, you like street food?"

"Don't you?"

Yuma laughed again. "Okay, then let's go."

They walked there together, talking all the way. Ayato might've had a few close calls, but the more he talked to Yuma, the more he realized that he didn't really have anything to worry about. Yuma was just a regular guy. In fact, he was super easy to talk to. All of Ayato's conversations throughout the day were either at school or with his brothers...In other words, everyone he spoke to liked to think that they were better than him, or smarter than him. Yuma didn't talk to him like that at all. He had a bit of a rough way of speaking, and he teased Ayato sometimes, but it was all very lighthearted and comfortable. Ayato thought that, if he wasn't pretending to be Shu, he could easily be friends with Yuma all on his own.

They got their food, and went to the park. They ate while sitting side by side by the trunk of a tree, and just talking about whatever. Yuma told Ayato about the guys he considered his new family, and mentioned that they'd love to meet him one of these days, especially Ruki. And Ayato told Yuma all about Ryoutei Academy and how boring it was, and how its basketball team sucked.

"But I guess that's what you expect from a night school. No focus on sports."

"You're into basketball?" Yuma asked, smirking. "Do you play?"

"Not on the team." Ayato mimed shooting a ball. "I just play by myself. I'm way good at it, though."

"Why don't you play on the team?"

"I dunno...I'm fine by myself." Ayato noticed then that Yuma was looking at him with a fond, almost loving look. "What? Do I have sauce on my face?"

"Nah." Yuma leaned back against the tree with a satisfied smile. "It's just that I'm thinking that you haven't changed a bit."

Ayato frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Just like when you were little, you have to be invited into things." Yuma stood up straight, furrowing his brows determinedly. "Okay, then I'll join the basketball club."

" _You_ will?" he said, shocked.

"Yeah. I mean, look at me." Yuma raised his right arm and flexed it. His biceps were...distracting. "I work all day and I'm tall too. Taller than you, remember? I can do it. It'll be lonely with just me and a group of strangers, though. Ahh, I'll be lonely..."

Ayato didn't know what to say.

Yuma flashed him a crooked smile. "Do I need to be more obvious?"

"No, I hear you!" Ayato's ears went read, and he hurriedly looked away. "I hear you loud and clear."

"Just think about it." Yuma popped another takoyaki ball into his mouth.

"...Can I ask you something stupid?"

"Something stupid?" Yuma laughed, his mouth still full.

Ayato cast his eyes downwards, thinking hard about what he was trying to say. "...If I were different from the kid you knew when you were little...would you be disappointed?"

He swallowed. "Where did that come from?"

"Just answer honestly."

Yuma looked up at the sky again, deep in thought for a moment. "Shu," he said, his voice sincere. "Today, I've been with you for…" He checked his watch. "...an hour. And I've already decided that I like you."

Ayato looked at his face, surprised.

"It's true that what we had in the past is really important to me. But what's more important is that I like the person in front of me, right now. You're you. You don't have to stress about what that means." He smiled at him. "Just be you, and I'll like you just fine."

Ayato was speechless for a moment. He felt his whole face turning red, so he lowered his face to the food in order to hide it from Yuma. "I'm going to eat the last one!" he announced, grabbing the plate of takoyaki. His voice came out more high-pitched than usual.

Yuma laughed, giving him that fond look again. "Okay. Go ahead."

* * *

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Yuma asked as they approached the school gate again.

"Nope," Ayato responded quickly. That wouldn't be good at all. "My family...you know…"

"I get it," Yuma sighed. The air had gotten cold, so Ayato could see his breath. "It's just that I want to make sure you get home safe."

"Come on! I can get home fine by myself."

"I guess so." He flashed his smile at Ayato again. "Well, I had a good time today. When can I see you again?"

Ayato froze.

This was...the part where he was supposed to give some kind of excuse, to make sure he didn't see Yuma again. That was how he and Shu had planned it. He even had an excuse ready, too.

But instead, he said, "I'll...see you at school."

"Yeah!" Yuma looked overjoyed at that response. "We really do go to the same school now, huh! God, it's like...I've wanted this since I was a kid. I don't know anyone aside from my brothers and you, so show me around, okay?"

"Sure."

"Goodnight, Shu." Yuma cocked his head a bit like he was considering something, and then suddenly hugged Ayato.

Ayato tensed up, sensitive to the feeling of Yuma's arms. He became even more aware that Yuma's body was bigger than his. "Uh…?"

"Sorry," he said, resting his head against Ayato's. "I missed you a lot."

Very slowly, as if he were afraid of touching him, he wrapped his arms around Yuma too, hugging him back.

The two said goodnight, and went their separate ways. Ayato headed back to where the limo had dropped him off, feeling…"Conflicted" was probably the most fitting word. He had too many things on his mind, but none of them were very clear thoughts in the first place, so it was hard to address them.

He jumped when he saw Shu waiting for him. "You scared me."

Shu looked worse than usual. His eyes were sunken like he hadn't slept in weeks. His voice was usually monotonous, but it sounded even more dead than usual. "Welcome back."

"Did you wait here the whole time?"

"No, I followed you to the park." He had a bottle of beer in his hand that he must have bought from one of the food stalls. "I was out of earshot most of the time though. Creepy, right? I'm like a stalker."

"...Are you okay?"

"I can't remember the last time I was okay." He took a drink. "How'd it go?"

"Just fine! Way more than ten minutes, though." Ayato rustled his hair with his hand. "He's just a normal guy. I don't know what you were so scared about. You could've talked to him yourself."

"Mm-mm." Shu shoved his free hand in his jacket pocket. "It's better like this."

"Do you think you made the right decision?"

Shu cast his eyes up at the sky. "Yeah. As I thought, it's better...if I just watch him from afar. I can't hurt him that way."

"Dude…" Ayato sighed sadly, narrowing his eyes at Shu. "I think you need to respect Yuma more."

"Shut your fucking mouth." Shu suddenly grabbed Ayato's shirt, and yanked him closer. His eyes were ice cold. "Don't go thinking that you know him better than I do because you spent an hour with him. Even after I thought he died, I never looked at anyone but him. You're a hundred years too late to understand how I feel."

"Okay!" Ayato put his hands up. "Okay."

Shu released him, then walked away with a stumble in his step, downing the rest of his bottle. "Fuck this," he muttered to himself, swinging the empty bottle as he walked. "I'm gonna shred all your letters when I get home. You're so oblivious. God damn it."

Ayato waited a bit so Shu would put some distance between them, and then he followed him home.


	5. Chapter 5

"Were you always like that with Yuma? Like, on a hugging level?"

"It's over, so you really don't need to know this stuff anymore."

"But, well, it's not really over. I could still meet him at school."

Shu and Ayato, with the rest of their brothers, had just gotten off the limo at school. The others went their separate ways right away like they always did, and Shu tried to do the same, but Ayato stuck with him for some reason.

"He seemed really open with me," Ayato said, more to himself because Shu was pretending not to listen. "Or, with you. Even though it's been so long. Just how close were you?"

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"But it's for research! Next time I talk to him-"

"That's enough." Shu turned to Ayato suddenly, his eyes serious. "You shouldn't meet him again. No, you won't meet him again."

Ayato gestured to the school building. "But we go to the same school."

"You aren't in the same _grade_ , so you can avoid him."

"What!" Ayato glared at Shu. "I did this for you. Now you're telling me I have to run around avoiding him for the rest of my school career?"

"We're already too far into this." Shu returned his glare. "It won't be a lot of work avoiding him."

"That's easy for you to say! You only had to avoid him for a day. I shouldn't have to keep watching out for him all school year! I don't owe you that!"

"So what, you'd rather keep acting?" Shu snarled. "Isn't that even more work? Listen, Ayato, I appreciate what you did for me. You did a great job. But it was only supposed to last ten minutes in the first place."

"Things don't work out that way! Normal friends don't just split up like that for no reason, no matter how much you want to Shu! And besides," Ayato crossed his arms. "It's not officially over until you give me my reward."

Shu gritted his teeth. "...Ayato…It's not like I wanted to split up-"

"What are you guys talking about?" a familiar voice said from behind them.

Shu and Ayato nearly jumped out of their skin, and Ayato whirled around to face Yuma. Shu remained facing away from Yuma and, completely on reflex, lowered his head and raised his hands up to hide his face.

"Yuma!"

"Hey." He waved somewhat awkwardly. "Sorry if I interrupted. I saw you from across the way and I was excited to see you, so I ran over."

"You didn't interrupt anything," Ayato said with a nervous laugh, waving his hands dismissively. "We were talking about something stupid. It was like, y'know..." He struggled to think of something stupid to say. "Reality TV."

Yuma seemed to notice Shu, who was still hiding like he wanted to crawl back into his shell. He clapped him on his back. "Dude, did I startle you?"

Still not turning around, Shu quickly shook his head no. He was extremely aware of the weight of Yuma's hand on his back. If he could self-destruct, he would do it now.

Not convinced, Yuma gripped Shu's shoulder and ducked his head down to his level, peering at his face. "Hey, I didn't mean...to…"

His voice trailed off because he caught sight of Shu's face. Shu stared in fear at Yuma, who was far too close for comfort, for just a moment before turning his head away again. But Yuma, bewildered, turned him around by the shoulder and forced Shu to let him get a good look at him.

Yuma's eyes were wide, quivering somewhat. He was fixated on Shu's face, taking in every detail. This face was familiar. So familiar. It was just like the face of the boy he had been thinking about nearly every day since the fire. Just looking at him gave him a strange feeling in his chest. Without realizing it, his grip on Shu's shoulder grew tighter. Quietly, his voice hoarse, Yuma whispered "...Shu…?"

Ayato jumped into action and threw his arm around Shu's shoulder. "This is my brother!" He tried to smile, but it looked super forced. "My brother, A...Ayato."

Shu couldn't even say anything. How could he? He could only stare, just like how Yuma was staring at him. Yuma was right there. Right in front of him. The person he had missed so much was now close enough to touch. In fact, he _was_ touching Shu. Looking right at him.

Yuma, realizing that he was acting weird, removed his hand from Shu's shoulder and broke eye contact with him. "...Your brother?"

"Yeah! Have I ever mentioned my brother Ayato?"

"You have," Yuma said, eyes widening again. "Oh, shit. He's- He's your damn spitting image."

"Yeah, we were...practically twins when we were little! Not- Not literally twins. But, y'know...brothers!"

Yuma's shock subsided and he just seemed excited now. He enthusiastically shook Shu's hand. "You're Ayato, huh? We've never met, but I'm a good friend of your brother's. Yeah, now that I think about it, I remember he told me a lot about you when we were little!"

Shu, who was still panicking, just silently nodded. His mouth was still hanging open a bit. He wanted to hold onto Yuma's hand tightly, since now might be hid one and only chance to do so. But his hands wouldn't do what his brain told them to do. His hand felt cold as soon as Yuma let go of it.

"He did?" Ayato asked quietly. "I mean, I did?"

"I know it's sudden," Yuma said to Shu with a bright smile. "But I never got a chance to get along with Shu's family, and I really want to. So let's get along."

There was silence, except for Shu, who could practically hear the sound of his heart breaking. Shu took a shaky step back. "I have to go," he said, his voice cracking. And he hurried off, keeping his head down.

Yuma and Ayato watched him go. Yuma was just confused, but Ayato looked like he wanted to tear his hair out from how badly that went. "...Is he okay?" Yuma asked.

"He's...y'know…" Ayato was gesturing a lot with his hands. "He's a nervous guy. Not great with strangers."

Yuma frowned. "...Do you think he'll warm up to me?"

"Oh, sure." But then Ayato considered the implications of his answer. "Well, look, he likes to stay by himself. I'm sure he'll consider you a friend even if you never talk with each other."

"Yeah…?"

"So it might be better just to leave him alone."

Yuma stared off in the direction Shu walked off in, looking somewhat sad.

"...But, hey!" Ayato offered Yuma a smile. "Don't worry about him. I've got plenty of family you can get real close with. And..." Ayato felt uncharacteristically bashful. "...there's me."

Yuma seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in, and he smiled right back at Ayato. "Yeah." He was giving him that fond look again. "There's you."

* * *

It wasn't like he had much of a choice anyway, but Ayato ended up disobeying Shu's orders to avoid Yuma. The two walked down the hallway, talking all they could before classes started. (Honestly, Ayato was content to keep talking even after class had started, but he didn't know if Yuma was the cutting class type and he didn't want to risk it.)

"I told you about Ayato when I was little?" Ayato asked, looking up at Yuma out of the corner of his eye.

"Yeah, you did. I remember it."

"I remember it too," Ayato exhaled. "But, uh...What did I say again?"

Yuma thought about it. Parts of his memory were still a blur to him, after all. "Well, you said he was a good kid with lots of potential."

"Yeah?"

"You would say a lot that things were tough when you saw your brothers growing up. I get what it feels like because my parents were tough too, but I guess having noble parents must be a whole different brand of tough. It was hard on them, and it was hard on you too."

Ayato blinked at him, listening intently.

"But I remember you saying that Ayato gave you hope. Like, you thought he wouldn't ever be broken down. He could still smile and play around even when things got bad."

Touched, Ayato's eyes started sparkling. "...That's right. I remember saying that."

Yuma looked at him with a worried expression. "Ayato seems different than that now. Are you okay?"

"Am I okay?"

"The way you would talk about him, it really seemed like he was special to you. Like, you really wanted him to stay bright and happy. I hope you're not...disappointed."

Ayato didn't know what to say. "...He irritates me sometimes."

Yuma nodded sympathetically.

"It's not that he's a bad person. That's not it." Ayato raised his voice a bit. "To be honest, I hardly remember what it was like when he was a happy kid. Some of my brothers seem to remember it, but for me it seems too far away. He's too different now for me to imagine it. And that bothers me."

"You wish he were still that way."

"I didn't think about it much before," Ayato sighed, frustrated. "...But yeah! I do wish he were still that way. I don't like feeling like things are hopeless, and he goes around acting like things are hopeless." Ayato turned and met Yuma's eyes. "It irritates me that he's given up! He can't even trust other people because he's given up to that extent. He won't trust me, and he wouldn't trust you..."

Yuma suddenly looked surprised, and stared curiously at Ayato's face. Realizing he had said too much, Ayato said, "Sorry, I was ranting…"

Yuma pointed at his face. "You have green eyes."

Silence.

"Oh, fuck!" Ayato covered one eye with his hand, remembering that he didn't have the blue contacts in his eyes. A teacher passing by gave Ayato a dirty look for cursing in the hallway. "It's - It's - No, listen...I-I'm wearing contacts right now."

"Contacts?"

"Yeah, for your eyes." Ayato suddenly felt very stupid. "Of course they're for your eyes. Jesus Christ. I-I just wanted a change, you know? I already dyed my hair, so I figured..."

Yuma touched the hand over Ayato's eye, making Ayato blush immediately. He moved the hand so he could get a better look at Ayato's green eyes, which were darting everywhere nervously.

"...I like it," Yuma said finally.

Ayato's panic came to a halt. "...You do?"

Yuma smiled. "It's unique."

For some reason, Ayato suddenly remembered what Subaru said, about how he looked just like that old hag. He really did have her eyes. Ayato muttered, "...I don't know if I like them."

"Why not? They look good."

"They remind me of family I don't like."

"Don't be dumb." Yuma placed a hand on Ayato's head. "It doesn't matter what anyone else looks like. You look like you."

Ayato looked up at him, his face still red. "...You really like them?"

"I do. You look cool."

Ayato giggled girlishly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Then maybe I'll keep them."


End file.
